The initial euphoric stage of love is biologically unsustainable, says author and relationship expert Iris Krasnow. So how do we stay happy? By embracing the ordinary and realizing that intimacy is the real fuel for long-term relationships. We can’t expect anyone else to make us happy. You need to rock the gray.

Iris Krasnow is the author of Surrendering to Motherhood, the New York Times bestseller Surrendering to Marriage, Surrendering to Yourself (Miramax Books), and I Am My Mother’s Daughter (Basic Books). The Secret Lives of Wives, published in October 2011 by Penguin/Gotham Books, continues her journey as a journalist who chronicles the adult female growth cycle. Her latest book was published February 2014, Sex After…Women Share How Intimacy Changes As Life Changes.